Stick Out Your Hand

Image source: Business Week (click for a great article on how to shake hands)

For some people, one of the most terrifying experiences is to have to introduce themselves to someone they don’t know. The uncertainty of not knowing the response and calling attention to themselves is almost more than they can bear. Consequently, they often sit off to one side, head down to eliminate eye contact and try to “disappear.”

One of the hardest parts of making a professional network is meeting people. That initial act of introduction is often enough of a deterrent to keep even the most gregarious on the sideline. I am in that place myself often enough. Even though I have been in my new job for over a year, I still walk into meetings where I don’t know many of the people in the room. It is very easy to sit on the side or back of the room and pretend to be deeply engrossed in some work until the meeting starts and not introduce myself.

Mustering all our courage, we need to engage. The easiest way to meet someone is to stick out your hand and say five little words, “Hi. My name is Dan.” (Substitute your own name for mine, of course.) Five little words. It can even be reduced to three, “Hi. I’m Dan.” They are easy to remember and it is pretty hard to screw them up.

Why stick out your hand? In the Western hemisphere (and many places beyond), a handshake is the universal greeting. It is easier to negotiate the handshake if you instigate it. Less chance to be the one ‘missing’. Stick your hand out and let them figure out how to complete the maneuver.

What is the optimal response to such an introduction? Well, there are many ways, but the most common is, “Hi Dan, my name is Frank,” while returning the handshake. Why add the other person’s name? It is the first of three repetitions of their name, to help cement it into the mind so as to not forget it. The way to remember someone’s name is to repeat it as often as is socially allowable. A minimum of three in an introduction makes a huge difference for memory. Use it once at the beginning, once at the end (“Nice to meet you, Frank.”) and somewhere in the middle of the conversation. Dale Carnegie said a person’s name is the sweetest sound on Earth. Use it often.

From there, the ice is broken and hopefully it is easy to continue on a short discussion. Make a comment and then ask a question. “I am project manager for Project X. What is your role?” Simple as that. Let them say something. You can either keep the conversation going with another comment and question or close it off with a “Nice to meet you, Frank.” Fifteen seconds is about all it takes. The dividend it will return will be huge. More people will know you and think of you as a good conversationalist, interested in others and a nice person.

Take the challenge. Stick your hand out once today. Meet someone new somewhere. A few practices and it will become second nature. Good luck! Let me know how it goes.