30,000 Foot Networking

 Focus  1 Response »
Feb 072012
 

I was on a plane last night. I grabbed my book, stowed my bag and sat down. And stuck out my hand.

“Hi, I’m Dan,” I said.

“I’m Andrea,” she replied.

We chatted for about five minutes, the plane pulled out of the gate and we lapsed into silence. I read my book and she slept.

Planes are great places to meet people. It is a shared experience of sitting in a tube for a couple hours with an anonymous group of people you will never see again. What else are you going to do?

I have observed most people don’t introduce themselves on planes. It is very easy to ignore everyone and do your own thing. However, a simple effort of an introduction is courteous and simply the right thing to do. You don’t have to give more than a first name – few will remember it anyway. Spend a couple minutes in small talk and it will quickly become apparent if you will continue to talk or not. Sometimes, like last night, silence is fine. Occasionally, it is a wonderful opportunity to meet the most fascinating people.

A few years ago, I was flying on a particular stormy night. My seat mate was clearly distressed by the turbulence. We hadn’t even taken of yet. My quick  introduction led to an intense conversation that lasted the entire flight. Not only did it take her mind off the gut wrenching bounces, we became good friends in a couple of hours. I have been to her store several times, which became a favorite of my daughters and she sold a few of my pens.

On another flight, I was lucky enough to get bumped to first class, where I sat next to one of the heads of Public Broadcasting. We had a wonderful conversation and I learned a lot about programing decisions and how PBS is put together. It was a crash course in running a public media entity  I would not have been able to get at any university. He was even kind enough to mail my children a few video tapes of their favorite programs.

I have met all sorts of people on planes. I’m not advocating being an annoying seat mate, chattering on about nothing when the other person just wants to work on a spreadsheet that is due. It only takes a little observation to be able to tell if the other party is interested in a conversation or just pleasantries. Be open to their needs as well as your own. However, the chance to make a new friend is rare. There aren’t many opportunities to just sit an talk with strangers anymore. Take advantage of the chance to practice the art of conversation. It’s not like you will see them ever again. On the other hand, you might make a new friend or learn about something totally new.

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Party Time!

 Focus  No Responses »
Dec 062011
 

As we approach the end of the year, we love to party. The chance to get together with friends is a wonderful holiday pastime. I look forward to this time as an opportunity to renew acquaintances and meet new friends. It is a great time to add a professional network, too.

Please don’t get the picture of stalking the CEO or something creepy like that. Networking at a party has received a bad reputation, some of it deserved. I am suggesting letting nature take its course, meeting new people and learning more about them. It is a relaxed and informal way to meet many new people in a short time and decide who you would like to learn more about in the coming months. I attended two parties last week and was able to add to my network in both cases. Here are six rules for successful party networking.

  1. Get plenty of rest beforehand. Meeting new people is hard work. Remembering names and facts is not easy for me. Carrying on a conversation is an active sport, as strenuous as any other. I went into one party exhausted from my busy week and not really in the mood. I ended up sitting on the side for the first hour, watching others enjoy themselves, not fitting in or enjoying myself. Luckily, I got a second wind and was able to salvage the night.
  2. Stick out my hand. This is the perfect time to introduce yourself to lots of new people. Most parties I go have at least 50% strangers. I use this to an advantage and introduce myself to someone I don’t know. Most likely they don’t know anymore people than I do and will be glad for the conversation. I learn their name and try to memorize it. One trick is to use it as often as socially acceptable in the first few minutes of conversation  to cement it in my brain. I have found one of the best ways to remember a name is to introduce the new person to someone else.
  3. Practice good conversation. Just like playing tennis or volleyball, the ball has to be hit back over the net for everyone to enjoy the game. Say a couple things and then ask a question, turning control over to them. I know I love to hear myself talk, but I have to remember I am there to learn about the other person. I can’t do that if I am talking.
  4. Listen and learn. If given a chance, people will talk about themselves. Learn about their hobbies, their families and careers. I have learned more in a few minutes at a party than I have in years of working along side a coworker. The relaxed atmosphere works like magic to help people open up.
  5. Keep notes on who I meet. I am not suggesting having a notebook open and writing down everything my new acquaintance says. I have found it useful, however, during a break between conversations to write down a few notes to help me remember who I have met. I usually do this on my smart phone by opening a note titled with the name of the party I’m attending. I then jot down the name and a couple quick reminders about the person. If I promised any follow up information, such as a magazine article or a phone call, I make sure I write that down. I hate forgetting commitments.
  6. Follow up. After the party, I review my notes and decide the next steps. If I made promises, I record those to make sure I follow through. I decide who I want to keep in touch with and turn those items into tasks on my lists. I don’t forget to send a Thank You note to the host and hostess. For those people I really want to deepen my relationship with, I will make an appointment for lunch or coffee to continue our conversation.
Have fun this season. Use the holiday parties as a chance to complete your holiday challenge. The steps may feel like extra work, but the payoff in new connections is worth it. Go for it. Enjoy yourself!

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Networking Terrifies Me

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Nov 032011
 

If public speaking is the most feared task in the world, meeting someone new to discuss my career has to rank right next to it. Even the most extroverts of extroverts pale at the task. How do I know? I am an extrovert and it scares me to death every time. If it makes me shy away from making contact, imagine what it must do to person who is naturally shy? Yet, in today’s economy and business climate, we must have a strong network.Here are some ideas I hope help.

  1. Practice on friends. I always recommend starting a network with friends and neighbors, people who already know and respect me. They will give me the benefit of the doubt regardless of how many mistakes I make and give honest feedback and advice. I started my first interview with a good friend. Even at though I had known him for years, I was terrified when I sat down in his office. He was most kind, listened carefully and complimented my courage. He expressed his own fears of building a network. In fact, that comment was one I heard many, many times. Everyone knew they should build their own network, but they had the same fear. They respected me for breaking past those fears when they hadn’t.
  2. Prepare questions.  Write out questions before hand and have them on the top sheet of the notepad. It only takes a few questions to fill 15 minutes, so it isn’t hard. I carried a portfolio, with a pad of paper for note taking on the right. In the left pocket, I carried a list of standard questions and a couple copies of my resume. I didn’t use the questions each time, but they were there for me if the conversation lagged. Knowing I had something ready to fill a gap of silence helped me relax and listen.
  3. Role play  Take an opportunity to practice. Sit down with a spouse, child or family dog and play it out. Children absolutely love doing this, by the way. They know how to plan “make believe” better than anyone. Play both sides of the interview. How would you feel if someone asked you to give the advice on what you do for a living? It is an honor. It provides a feeling of accomplishment to be asked for advice. Try asking questions in slightly different ways and see how they sound. Practice makes perfect.
  4. Meet at a neutral site. It can be very intimidating to walk into someone’s office and start asking questions. One way to relax the exchange is to meet someplace neutral. Starbucks is one of my favorite locations. They spend a lot of money to create a calm, relaxed atmosphere that begs for a conversation. It may cost you a few extra dollars to buy your new friend a cup of coffee, but the relaxed atmosphere can be well worth the money.
  5. Remember, they will envy you! I can’t tell you how many times people complimented me on doing something that terrified them. This included everyone from the janitor to CEOs. Meeting people takes us out of our comfort zone and we respect people willing to take the chance. Take the risk and be the one others admire. Then you can help them face their fears and follow your lead. They will always remember and thank you.
  6. Realistically, what’s the worst that can happen? Seriously, what is the absolute worst that can happen? Let me tell about my worst experiences. If you have one worse than this, I would love to hear about it.

    I was recommended to meet with the CEO of a successful group of companies. After getting on his calendar, I walked into his office and introduced myself. He wouldn’t speak to me. He sat there and stared at me, not saying a word. I instantly began to sweat and knew it was going nowhere. I explained my background and how I wanted his advice. He continued to stare at me and said nothing. I stammered through the rest of my presentation, thanked him for his time and fled. I left shaking. I had already done over fifty interviews at this point, so I knew the process worked. What happened? I couldn’t understand it. I happened to have two, back-to-back interviews lined up that day, both with CEOs. I was terrified to go to  the next one after that experience. Because I had an appointment, I forced myself. I must have still be shaking in the introduction because he asked me what was wrong. I briefly told him of my previous experience with the silent CEO. He laughed and assured me he knew exactly how I felt. This CEO treated him the same way. I then relaxed as this CEO opened his entire rolodex to me.

    What is the second worst experience? I made a call to a vice president at the recommendation of a colleague. As I introduce myself and explained who had put me in touch with her, she responded, “I don’t know this person and I wish she would stop using my name.” She was unhappy and didn’t want to speak further. I apologized and hung up the phone.  Oops. I crossed her off my list of people I would ever get to meet. There is no way I could have anticipated this exchange, trusting this colleague who said they had a relationship. It happens. Some people like to drop names. I can usually sniff them out and discount their advice. Apologize and move on. Ironically, I later did meet this particular vice president when I interviewed at her company. To my relief, she didn’t remember my name and I certainly didn’t offer to remind her of the experience.

When putting oneself “out there”, bad things can happen. However, it isn’t the end of the world. Write off the experience to learning and keep moving. Not every interview is going to go well, but most will. However, in over 130, I have had just two I would call bad. If only I could get anything else in life to have a less than 2% failure rate.

While networking can be uncomfortable, it is so rewarding. The people I have met have been pleasant, encouraging and eager to help. Take the leap of faith and try one. It is worth it.

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